OVER...FINITO...ADIOS NP, HELLO REAL WORLD

yay, so skl's out. well almost. with the exception of the massina exam this sat but let's forget abt that in the meantime shall we? So im never steppin foot into NP again haha. ok tts an exaggeration but i doubt i will go bek there for fun or out of nostalgia. i realize im nt the type to look into the past wistfully (well except during sporadic Emo moments). Like i dun even care abt my sec skl once i graduated from there so i doubt i will do the same 4 poly.not that going to NP experience was so bad that i deign to go bek there. its juz to me past shd juz be that, the past. besides i dun wanan go bek juz in case i see some characters that i would rather not see, thank u very much.

[[ beauty is in the eyes of the beholder__ 10:46 AM

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THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX THAT TURN ME OFF (not in any particular order)

- Desperate (sometimes gerls like challenges u noe)

- Clingy/ Needy (plz dun call her up every few hours every single day cos she will feel suffocated. she needs her space too)

- Cowardly (the more you try to avoid her cos ure afraid to say the truth, the more it will hurt her when she finds out so please juz tell it to her straight & spare her all the worrying)

- Insensitive (being honest is gd but sometimes u gotta learn 2b diplomatic or u wont have frenz)

- Lack of ambition (being directionless in life is not attractive)

- Condescending (dun tink that juz cos ure older & mayb more 'knowledgable', u can look down on her)

[[ beauty is in the eyes of the beholder__ 8:09 PM

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IM A BITCH. SO WAD

Ok i probably should not have given him any hope at all in the 1st plc. but i reali tot i could learn to like him. but when i met him on tuesday aft the onli other time i met him which was at the beach, i realize i wasnt attracted to him.so i cant lie to myself or to him either so i told him honestly that right now i dun tink i can commit to juz one person.i told him straight i dun have feelings 4 him. when he ask if not now, mayb in the future. i told him i cant give a definite ans la cos i really dunno.but he still wanna pursue me so wad can i say rite. i juz let it be.

But den yest, i guez when he still acted lovey dovey n actin like im his gf or sth, i tot ah im juz gonna tell him to stop pursuing me la n I did. he didnt take the news too well. altho its not my fault in the 1st plc cos i ALREADY told him that I DID NOT feel anyting for him so i suggest not to put hope on me. but he did. n now he's pissed at me. well im sorry if i was being honest. i would rather juz tell him rather than be a coward n ignore him hoping he will get the msg.

Initially, i guez i tot i was rather harsh but den when he msg me thanks a lot in a sarcastic tone n even said that tudung gerls suck. Im like that's it. all the guilt i felt juz went outta the window. I cant be bothered to deal wif such immaturity. i mean come on la. i didnt ask him to fall in love wif me. it was way too fast in my opinion how he could apparently fall 4 me. And furthermore, all the while i tot he was being too desperate and eager, wanting things to happen too fast b4 i was ready. It was all rather overwhelming n pressurising. And him acting all possessive n jeles when i was not even his gf. please la. i have been independent all along not having to deal wif someone so damn clingy n needy n now this guy who i juz met wants to try to control who i can go out wif. no thanks. n to tink that i felt bad. granted i shdnt have let him on but i didnt make him any promises either.

[[ beauty is in the eyes of the beholder__ 11:46 AM

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TROUBLED

Why am I so bloody fickle? One minute I tink Im ready to give him a chance and the next Im getting cold feet. I suddenly feel like i dun tink im ready to commit to juz 1 person. now i tink i noe how some of those grooms or brides feel on their wedding day or sth when they suddenly rethink whether do they realli wanna spend the rest of their life wif one person. ok mayb im being a lil too overdramatic but i guez mine is a mini-version of cold feet.

It all hit me in the bus juz now when i was lookin at some cuties n den i realize if im attached, i dun have the luxury to juz go out wif any guy i want who asks me out. i will have to stick to juz one. mayb im nt the monogamous sort. i dunno.

the answer should really be very simple actuali. I mean ok if Im an outsider looking into my situation, i would say 'Wah the heck are u waiting for? isnt this wad u always want? to have someone adore u and think the world of u n wants u to be theirs?'
But somehow im nt feeling it. im nt feeling what i should be feeling which is EUPHORIA, ULTIMATE HAPPINESS. Instead, im feeling confused and a lil indifference even.

Ok initially i was suspicious and wary of his intentions. but now i tink he is sincere. n at 1st i gave the reason that i was scared of getting hurt again. Now i tink that mayb tts juz an excuse. mayb deep down im nt ready to be tied down to juz one. i still wanan go out wif a lot of guys without having to care abt reporting to juz one. but den again isnt that the whole point of dating? to finally settle down n get attached to ONE. AIYOOOH. Wad the hell is wrong wif me?

[[ beauty is in the eyes of the beholder__ 10:14 PM

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DUMB IDIOTS

I woke up this morning n read this article in Home Section of ST. and i find myself getting pissed at these 2 idiots.

teenage boys ard my age, a pair of dickhead brothers who r going to jail for doin sth so utterly stupid. n of coz they had to be Malays. as usual, memalukan masyarakat Melayu. Ah ape lagi, lagi dipandang rendah la kitorang. alamak pantat tul la ni bdk tk kai otak suma ni.

Nk cari gaduh n den chop some guy's hand off n den now both end up in prison. n they are onli 18 n 19. n that's not the worst thing la. they both got pregnant wives who are both due nx wk. like WTF man. wah dua2 adik beradik seh main during the same time n both gerls due nx wk. jeez n i dun tink they are reali married la cos it says at the end of the article that actuali the bros wanted to have a wedding by end of this dec. n the stupid wives even wanted to wai ttill they get out of prison which is gonan be like in the nx 6 yrs or sth n then can get married.

Wa lao eh tak tau malu ke, lagi nk ade wedding besar-besaran ke when ur child gonan be like 5 or 6 oredi. wont he be wondering why skrg den the parents nk kawin? oh its cos ur stupid dads end up going to prison for choppin some guy's hand off juz cos he supposedly bump into him in some soccer game n u wanna take revenge. omg grow up. sheesh. dua2 same bodoh. im soo ashamed seh sometimes to admit im Malay seeing how so totally dumb some of my kind are

[[ beauty is in the eyes of the beholder__ 12:48 PM

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NEW POSSIBILITY?

A part of me wants to but another part is scared. he knows it cos he pointed it out. Have to say that was quite intuitive on his part. but den again after calling me n tokin so many times on the phone, i guez its kinda easy to tell something abt a person. but im nt going to go down that route yet. not so fast. not b4 im sure. Dun wanna be making the same mistake n have my hopes go crash n burn again.

im tempted but its still too early. guez onli time will tell...

[[ beauty is in the eyes of the beholder__ 4:56 PM

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LoveCynic
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