Strange stuff

Still cant figure out wads e whole craze wif William Hung.Personally i think he's juz plain icky & disgusting.period.i mean e guy has NO talent wadsoever,calling him mediocre will be giving him a compliment.seriously,even if he says he has tried his best n all tt shit,how can he possibly even think tt he has a shot at fame?more like infamy.n all those screaming gerls throwin themselves at him,like wads e deal?haha my bro is like fuck him,hw come someone like tt gets all e gerls?William Hung is like the laughingstock of e world.people r laughing AT him,not wif him.yest found myself watching his insipid video even initially i was turned off during e trailer.n true to my expectations,it juz sux.haha was laughin my head off at e guy.i cant believe he can even release an album for heavens sake!ppl who buy his album seriously has got nth better 2 spend their money on ,tts all i can say.

was flipping thru e channels last nite when came across this documentary on jap girls who want to go into professional wrestling.man u shd have seen e way e gerls fought like maniacal crazy loose cannons.i was cringing when they kept screaming n hitting each other.me n my bro were transfixed to e screen.i was thinkin haha this is like waaay better den those fake WWE matches.e western macho men shd reali take some tips from these jap gerls.when they r not fighting,they look so petite n demure,u'd never have guessed they have all this inner rage inside haha.n they r not even pro yet,these gerls r just training n e coaches were like is tt all u have got?y e hell r u not fightin bek dammit?!is this how u expect to win a real match?n i was like woah ook.

another weird thing is sth i heard on radio this morning.this rugby player had a tooth embedded in his skull.yea u heard me right?a TOOTH stuck in his skull!hw e heck did tt happen?apparently during a match,one opponent bit on this guy's head so hard till e tooth got stuck in his head lol.like wth?strange stuff,reali strange..

[[ beauty is in the eyes of the beholder__ 11:42 AM

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Woke up feelin paranoid juz now,wondering if there was sth wrong wif my ISEARCH.wad if i didnt check it properly e 1st time b4 handing it in on Mon?then other 'wad if' qns proceeded aft tt.actuali washed my hands of isearch alreadi.sick to death of it.then skali think oh no,wad if im caught 4 plaigarism or sth?i will be soooo screwed n hopping mad if tt were to happen.all my hard work down e drain.so comtemplated whether to check again my isearch paper in e morning but tot tt if i were to find a mistake or sth,i muz go bek 2 skul AGAIN juz to pass it up.n explain to kon y i handed it in 2x.but thank goodness all my worrying came to moot.all e stress 4 nothing.
aniwaez on 2 other non-academic related stuff,i have always had several defence mechanisms tt kick in automatically to protect myself.like u noe tt fight or flight thingy.well now im adding another one to e list.i have different personalities.i have a fren who have e same thing.initially i tot she was juz plain crazy(haha,no offence,skye/sam/sammie/whoever u r).but now i can see where she's coming from.sometimes u do stuff tt u have absolutely no explanation for wadsoever n as hard as u try to justify it,u cant.so best way is to blame it on ur other personalities haha.so actuali i have 4 personalities:faai,izah,iz & zahzah.hmm k all represent different sides of me but i onli like 2 of em.
Faai - the weak, emotional one (e one i hate cos of obvious reasons)
[sori guys,i noe u all like calling me faai but i juz find e name suits this side of me la so..haha]
Izah - the calm, practical, level-headed one (duh,it's clear i like this side of me cos i dun go turnin into a pathetic,emotional basketcase)
Iz - the bitchy, manipulative & vindictive one (this is e dark side of me muahaha,comes in handy sometimes)
Zahzah - the flighty, boy-crazy one (sometimes it's fun to be her but she can get easily bored la though if there's no eye candy ard lol)
yea so there u have it,e 4 different sides of Faaizah. i noe some of u guys r thinkin of having me committed to a mental instituation already haha but i dun care.cos honestly speaking, all this time though ive said i dun care wad ppl think or say, deep down i knew i do but i dun wanna care anymore so it stops now.

[[ beauty is in the eyes of the beholder__ 11:05 AM

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went to skul to hand in ISEARCH juz now.think i was e 1st haha.anywaez,thank goodness im done wif it,wash my hands off tt piece of work.no more researching on depression,no more gettin depressed cos i was researching on depression lol.handed in flash too.yippee!!!all my assignments done,finito,habis.onli obstacle in e way of my freedom n endless slacking is the dreaded marketing exam.damn havent even touched e bk or notes yet.shd start tmr.
in skul juz now met syaz n kin so had lunch wif them though i barely ate my mee rebus cos 4 some reason felt too lazy to eat.yea yea n tts y im so freakin thin.sometimes when im nt in e mood to eat,cant even force the food inside my mouth.yea n during lunch, kin was like beggin me to buy her ciggs so i said ok.since im e onli 18 yr old ard haha,im legal.so aft lunch went 2 Bukit Timah Plaza to buy e ciggs.asked e auntie there n she didnt even ask to check my IC or wad not.so wadever la haha.passed kin her ciggs n then i decided to satisfy my curiousity n ask her 4 a puff.at 1st kin was reluctant but i said i juz wanna try once.so in the end,she relented though she felt bad abt it.dun,shikin.it's nt ur fault,i was e one who asked.anw, she told me tt 4 sure i wont wanna try it again after e 1st time cos she also hated it e 1st time though she's kinda addicted to it now.n yea true enuf,after sputtering n coughin haha,i knew i wont touch a cigg ever again.let's juz say it's very nice la but at least now i know how it's like.

[[ beauty is in the eyes of the beholder__ 8:19 PM

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oook today feeling much better den yesterday.yest was a self-pity day 4 me,moping e whole day haha.well im bek to my usual nt very angsty self today.noticed tt e reason ive been so emotional is mayb cos all this while i keep saying i will act wif my head but i dun follow thru on my word.i think wif my head but i act wif my heart n tts y i was falling apart.muz always remind myself of tt to spare myself e torture haha.n yea,came across these lyrics from a song 'I think it's time 4 me to bail.This point of view is getting stale'. describes my situation exactly.i have got to snap out of it b4 i wither into a pathetic basketcase lol.

[[ beauty is in the eyes of the beholder__ 11:50 AM

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MAD & PISSED

went to bed feelin kinda pissed n woke up in e morning feelin more mad and crappy.who am i angry with?MYSELF.i am such an insipid moron sometimes its infuriating.AARGH!!!didnt reali feel like goin to bed early last nite even though i was so freakin tired n sleepy cos i noe i will onli lie there n ponder abt how i dun understand myself sometimes.oh hell make tt most of e time.i will say one thing n do another.i will act one way n feel entirely different inside.deep down i think im juz a screwed up, messed up, miserable lonely lil gerl.it's pathetic reali.
i think im a darn gd actress.i can fool myself even,wif e way i act.if i can fool myself,how hard can it be to deceive others?nt tt much harder i suppose.stupid stupid me wif silly delusions n even sillier thoughts.i hate it!!sometimes i bang my fists on my head tryin to knock some sense into it.but obviously it's nt workin cos if it does, i wont be ranting rite now like some mad woman.i came across this quote tt sums up exactly how i feel 'U dun have to be a poet to suffer.Adolescence is enuf suffering 4 anyone'. true dat indeed....

[[ beauty is in the eyes of the beholder__ 11:16 AM

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yest was a pretty hectic day.was rushin like mad from e radio studio to e libr cos had to go n print e radio stuff.tot tt its all gonna be easy.i mean both lisa n me tot we were almost done wif our radio capsule but mr morris said it was too short so no choice but to lengthen it n cos of tt,had to go n edit our papers n had to go n print them again.so mafan.aniwaez,been quite a while since i have done any running haha tt i was like out of breath running up n down e stairs n to n fro from e studio to e library.in e libr,kin called out to me n passed me e bks tt hadi was supposed to give me.btw thanks again,hadi.i owe u one.im so glad cos now my burden has been lessened considerably.no more socpsy n radio to worry about.whew!now onli thing left is flash n Isearch.oh n marketing exam.n after tt, YIPPEEEE!!!I cant hardly wait!

[[ beauty is in the eyes of the beholder__ 10:47 AM

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k juz nw went 2 skul to do a bit of my radio capsule...then went to KAP to eat breakfast...after tt me,lisa n idayu made our way to NUS library to try to find some more bks 4 isearch.we were all actuali pretty clueless abt where e library is n predicted tt we would get lost.hah!sayin tt we were lost was THE understatement of e century!
ok so here goes...e journey there was ok la,i mean ayu asked 4 directions so yea we managed to reach e library without much hassles.but e NUS campus was freakin huge la till they got buses to go to the various buildings.so there we were complaining if onli we got buses ard NP, then our lives will be soo much easier n we dun have to climb up hills or sth haha.but later we take bek our words.why?lol cos e very reason u need buses in e 1st place is cos e place is so damn big n it's so confusing to get ard.e whole bloody place is like full of twists n turns,it's like a maze.
yea so on e way home,we were like wondering wad bus to take n all tt.it was so embarrassing la cos ok so we got on e bus,then we alighted thinkin tt it was e final stop or sth.then it turns out e bus made a turn n we all end up boarding e same bus.man e driver was smirkin,thinkin how silly we gerls were.so we quickly ducked bek into e bus thru e bek door haha,so malu.ok then we alighted from tt shuttle bus n took e 151 bus to go bek to NP.but it went to the terminal or sth so we had to alight.aiyoh so there we were whining cos apparently we took e bus at e wrong side.by tt time we felt so lost n confused la haha.but in end thank god we finally managed to find our way out!didnt noe tt goin to NUS can be such an 'adventure'...

[[ beauty is in the eyes of the beholder__ 5:55 PM

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yea im quite happy tt i got a 93 for my consultation juz now,wasnt as bad as i'd expected haha.almost done wif my isearch paper onli left e conclusion.then suddenly kon said he wants me to extend my word count to be from 3000-4000 words n im like erm..ok.darn i think i can try la to get 3000 but 4000 no way hosay.aniwaez dunno if i can reali make it till 3000 words even cos i think ive exhausted almost all of my sources.oh well gues i'll at least try.hope to finish this by fri or sat so i can attempt to study marketing even if for a bit during e weekend.
cant wait for this month 2b over n then i can jump 4 joy.woohooo!!cant hardly wait!

[[ beauty is in the eyes of the beholder__ 5:15 PM

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today is D-day haha.like sam says, its a date wif e devil aka Kon himself.actuali e whole Isearch paper isnt reali tt intimidating.it's juz wif Kon's presence loomin behind e whole assignment,e whole thing juz seems more scary than it reali is.once u get all ur sources n compile all e info u need n organize them according to ur assertions,e words will pretty much flow out n come to u.n as long as u got e self-discipline to stick to ur schedule too tt is haha.man wad i am doin?giving tips on how to do writcomm?as if im such an expert.
it's so funny,im doin a thesis on depression n it seems tt mayb i may be experiencing depressive symptoms as well.haha e irony.keep reading too much depression books n look at e consequences.

[[ beauty is in the eyes of the beholder__ 9:22 AM

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alrite im gonna be doin some dissing today so 4 those who maybe offended,well all i gotta say is tough.this is my blog n im gonna say wad i want.been feelin anti-men recently.but dun wori,to my male frenz out there,i still consider u guys my frenz,juz im not feelin very social towards members of e opposite sex now.
now if ppl,escpecially a guy,were to call me a bitch,i'd say 'thank u very much,appreciate e compliment'.cos it means tt tt person or guy or whoever cannot control me n therefore im e one in power haha n tts e way it shd be.so go ahead call me a bitch,i reali dun care.in fact i like it lol.n u noe how language seems to be siding wif e male gender,like male n men.n words 2 describe e opposite gender are like female n women,which still consist of 'men' n 'female'.as if we r like subsets of them or sth.which is kinda bullshit.n yea juz now was lookin thru a bk called 'women r from venus n men r from hell' haha.anw came across this quote which i like 'women r crazy n men r stupid.women r crazy becoz men r so...stupid.haha how cool is tt?n to think tt a guy said it.haha which juz goes to show how true it is.aww sori if tt hurt some egos out there.but nt all men r like tt la,juz some,but e no is pretty big la nowadays lol.

[[ beauty is in the eyes of the beholder__ 9:32 PM

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today had an interesting if somewhat sombre socpsy lesson.watched a video on e atrocities done to women ard e world like FGM or female genital mutilation,honour killings n acid attacks.it's very sad la,to say e least tt all these sort of things r goin on.thankfully im now aware of it.i cringe when i was watching e video juz now cos obviously it was painful to watch but it muz have been a lot worse for the women or gerls who had to go thru tt kind of torture.it's horribly unfair tt women r killed when they r actuali e victims of rape.they r e ones being abused n yet they r e ones stoned to death or killed by their very own flesh n blood 4 so-called bringin shame to their families.the women didnt ask 2b raped.n e acid attacks,there was this 10 yr old gerl whose face was scarred n burnt by e acid tt some men splashed on her face when she wasnt even meant 2b e target in e 1st place.she was juz at e wrong place at e wrong time.this patriachal society we're living in is sometimes so discriminatory towards women,it's sick.

[[ beauty is in the eyes of the beholder__ 6:38 PM

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cant believe wad happened yesterday juz when i was abt to doze off into dreamland,e onli escape i have from my exhausted n stressed life,aka reality.was snuggling up wif my teddy bear(yes i do sleep wif a teddy bear,haha)n my pillows when suddenly the fan went off.i was like wth?!.who switched off e bloody fan?was yelling to my bro to switch it bek on n he was like i dunno wad e hell happen la,i didnt switch it off.
a few secs later,realized tt e whole freakin house was dark n so was e whole neighbourhood it seemed.a blackout happened rite juz when i was abt to hit e bed.great,juz great.felt like i couldnt breathe literally cos not onli was it pitch black,it was suffocating as hell.was gulping in huge breaths of air to calm myself down.yea i noe i sound dramatic but seriously i reali cannot breathe.looked out e window n saw e whole estate in darkness.kinda eerie n scary.then they would suddnly be all these orbs of light bouncing out seemingly from nowhere,well actuali they were from other flat owners who switched on their flashlights n shining e light out of their flats.my parents went to look 4 some candles n flashlights so tt we all wouldnt have to grope our way in the dark.could hear all these voices from below makin a din or sth,mayb they were like walking ard n suddenly were engulfed in darkness haha.made me wonder abt those stuck in e lift when e blackout happened.wait2 sori couldnt be juz a blackout,muz be a power failure cos all e electricity's gone.e fan wasnt working n neither were any other elec appliances.makes u think abt juz how dependent we are on electricity.
anw since i couldnt sleep now,so hot n stifling to even be in e room,was lookin out e window & though it looked scary outside,in a weird sort of way it felt exhilarating.i dunno mayb cos i had never seen it so dark b4,it's like suddenly u see a whole new perspective i guess.or it could be juz me haha.
then crept bek into my bed n was almost abt to get lulled into a slumber when e lights went on n im like torn between jumping up 4 joy n cursing cos again it interrupted e time when i was abt to sleep.in e end,e relief won over n i think i could hear everyone else outside cheering or sth too lol.
then now i wake up wif a crick in my neck.cant move my head to e right without it hurting.damn.think i slept like too much on my right side or sth.

[[ beauty is in the eyes of the beholder__ 9:58 AM

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yest was quite a good day.found out tt isearch consultation postponed to next week.freakin relieved n happy man,i mean i was oredi planning to go home straight after borrowin some more bks at e libr.then when i knew tt it was due nx wk instead,began to slack ard a bit haha.but still nt gonna let myself procrastinate any longer cos nx week's gonna be killer.like consultation on tue,radio capsule on thur,flash assignment on fri(oh gawd i hate webcg,aargh dun even understand flash,how e hell im gonna do it?).damn so many things...

[[ beauty is in the eyes of the beholder__ 4:58 PM

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someone recently said to me 'ooh faaizah has a dark side'.n im like haha yea.i juz dun normally show it to ppl im nt close to,tts all.have been doin some things lately tt i promise never to do to ppl but hey in this case,i'd say it's an exception cos the guy's juz askin 4 it.but hmm actuali e desire 4 payback has kinda dissipated.i mean i had forgotten all abt it oredi n he juz had to come again n stir up trouble.well anw i think he's gettin bored n tired of waiting so hopefully i can get out of this mess ive gotten myself into soon.

[[ beauty is in the eyes of the beholder__ 10:31 AM

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went to shenton way,raffles place mrt outside there to get e interview wif e western professional.i was a bit overwhelmed when we all walked out of e mrt station. e whole place was like buzzingwif ppl n i havent been there for so long.so me n lisa, n dan n skye went our separate ways hoping to pounce on some poor unsuspecting souls to interview haha.gosh it was like so irritating n a bit disheartening cos everytime we approach someone,they will either ignore us or like lisa said do e' talk to e hand thing'.
anw we met up wif dan n skye later cos all of us have seemingly no luck at all. so there we were,sitting there forlornly almost giving up hope lol.den i saw a couple of guys who look like western professionals so i was like eh y dun we ask them?hurry2 they dun seem to be bz or rushing off somewhere.so me n lis approached this one guy,who is extremely cute n gdlooking btw haha.n yea we finally got our interview,thank god.n dan n skye tok to his fren.found out both are frenchmen.so yea aft tt we were like so happy haha.
anw also i noticed one other thing.it seems tt for some reason ppl seem to be taking more notice of my 'blue' eyes.like this week alone,3 ppl have asked me qns like 'r u wearin contacts?' or 'r ur eyes reali blue?'.like huh?!i mean duh of coz im wearing contacts n my eyes r nt reali blue.unless im born wif this genetic disorder tt i have blue eyes which will be pretty cool but tts beside e point or tt i have mixed blood n therefore,e blue eyes lol.today 2 guys have came up to me n asked tt.n both of times im a bit stumped n all i can say was yea they r contacts n of coz they r not real haha.

[[ beauty is in the eyes of the beholder__ 7:39 PM

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i didnt think it was possible but my opinion of him has gone from low to lower n im sure it will hit rock bottom soon enuf.cant believe how desperate some ppl can get.it's both amusing n appalling to see his behaviour.without even realizing it,i have accomplished step1 of e revenge tt i had wanted earlier.though now im nt goin to go thru wif it cos truth be told,it was fun in e beginning stringing him along n makin up answers to his insipid qns.but towards e end,i felt kinda sick n disgusted,not wif myself haha,but wif him.i mean his desperation juz made me roll my eyes like a gazillion times n reinforce my belief abt wad a pathetic piece of scum n lowlife creep he is.but i have decided tt im nt gonna layan him e nx time he come begging n juz ignore him.

[[ beauty is in the eyes of the beholder__ 8:00 PM

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hmm it's oredi like week13 or issit 14 of skul.assignments n work keeps piling up on me,deadlines r one after another,me becoming more stressed n frazzled.now is e lull period.somehow i havent reali felt e stress quite as much at this moment in time(mayb cos tt period of time juz ended when i was rushing like mad to do webcg).but im sure my stress n anxiety level gonna rise up pretty soon n it will be one whole mad cycle all over again.
i noe there's like a gazillion stuff i have to finish up n its somewhere at e back of my head la,juz cant reali recall all of them rite now haha.have to hand in journal2 on thur so tt deadline's coming.did half of it yest n actuali wanted to type out e essay when i switched on e comp but then suddenly struck by laziness n exhaustion so tt intention went kaput lol.but im gonna try to finish it up hopefully by tmr.yea n still got tt ISEARCH paper to write.have yet to embark on dat monumental piece of work.a bloody 2300 word essay.gosh n all e anal work tt goes along wif it.i tell u im gonna be so dead like in the nx 2 weeks.
i feel a bit pathetic actuali like my life revolve ard work n skul.no social life wadsoever.no time to even have fun or time 4 myself,it's sad reali.i have a fren who had received like 3 warning letters from skul cos she skipped so many tutorials or lects for 3 modules.i was like haha wth do u think ure doin.she's having fun like procrastinating n shit n i kinda envy tt sense of heck care-ness(i noe there's no such word but wadever lol).but see,the thing wif me is,i will feel guilty if i dun do my work.it's like i have to finish my work 1st b4 i can enjoy myself.for eg,i will onli eat after i finished my homework or sth like tt.so if tt means i take my dinner like midnite or sth,then yea tt will be e case.cos i cant rest easy knowing tt i still have unfinished stuff to take care of.
haha but e whole irony is somehow despite me feeling like i have to complete my work,i still procrastinate.yea i realized tt im a walking contradiction.i will say im this,n den i will act completely opposite.but den again,isnt everyone else?

[[ beauty is in the eyes of the beholder__ 10:39 AM

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LoveCynic
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