i have decided tt from now on i am onli gonna be juz frenz wif guys.anything more or if i expect anything more den tt,i will onli be asking 4 trouble.believe me i noe from experience.nah nth has happen to me the past week or anything tt has made me think like this.juz have thought abt it for a while n have onli decided to write them down now.will not let myself get entangled up in all tt heartache n frustration anymore.besides i seriously dun have time 4 all tt shit. from now on,im onli gonna ogle at cute guys haha & nth more.no guy trouble 4 me thank you very much.
learnt sth interesting in socpsy lect yest tt made me think tt maybe i shd start applyin tt in my life.we were learning abt conflict n how 2 deal wif it as well e dirty fighting tactics tt we use.very interesting i muz say.
but the part tt suja said tt strike me was tt we always say like tt person make u angry, the key word being 'make'. when u say tt,it means tt u put e power in tt other person meaning ure essentially helpless.which means u are NOT in control meaning ure like e puppet n e other person is e puppetmaster.put it tt way,it seems rather silly to give e other person e power to manipulate u n ur emotions.so now i have come to e realization tt i will not let anyone ever control me like tt.it's like my feelings are based on their actions:on what they do or dont do.so from now on,i will catch myself if i hear me sayin 'oooh tt person makes me feel so angry'.i will rein in my emotions n choose e way i shd feel.i will take bek control of e situation.it will take some practice of coz to start thinkin tt way cos u will feel justified in ur anger towards e person.but sometimes or most of e times,it's reali not worth it cos e other party may not even realize they have angered u or they may not give a damn even if they know.so y waste ur own energy n efforts being angry?

[[ beauty is in the eyes of the beholder__ 3:34 PM

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ok im almost done wif webcg so one assignment can be considered down.didnt reali bother to make it all too nice n stuff as long as e buttons all work n e basics r there.stupid jlo.the last time we had tutorial he didnt say nothing abt having to present in class our templates n we have to memorize them all someore.crap all he said last wk to my grp was 'oh ur templates r all reali gd so there's nth much u have to do'.i was like so happy.n now its like yea riiiite.insipid,reali insipid,n the thing is i have to memorize all e info cos we'll be drawing lots on e day itself so as to who presents which template so no choice but to try to cram all e info into my head.damn.
ok,on another note,i realized tt sometimes,alrite make tt a lot of times im nt exactly e most generous person on earth.but it's a part of who i am.sometimes i dun realize tt my selfishness can offend ppl,my closest frenz even n the sad fact is i dun even noe it till i stumble across tt knowledge.so i reali hope tt in e future,if i were to hurt anyone's feelings without realizing it,please tell me so i know n apologise.cos i admit im pretty blur at times.
n to my dear sis,u told me not to worry abt it so i will take ur word 4 it n hope ure not mad at me still=)
anw yest was an interesting day.had e socpsy test in e morning,it was quite easy compared to e previous test.but i lost 2 marks oredi cos i didnt read e tutorial notes n therefore cant reali remember wad e ans are.on e way home however comes e interesting part.the bus was almost empty except 4 me n this other woman i think.anw on e bus there was also e FSV guy who i always see ard but nvr spoken to.juz know him by face.yea so there i was sitting on e bus staring out e window when suddenly he came up to e seat behind me n started tokin to me haha.after overcoming my initial surprise, i also juz tok to e guy,got to noe his name n found out he's 24 yrs old.4 some reason, i found him very easy to tok to.we tok abt anything under e sun,from e socpsy test tt we both took to other stuff.at e end of e bus ride,he asked 4 my no,sayin tt he wanted to borrow e Myers bk from me so i juz gave it to him.didnt even ask 4 his number actuali b4 goin our separate ways.didnt see e need la lol.anw later he msg me reminding me who he was juz in case i forgot haha.so e whole thing was kinda unexpected.told my fren abt it n he said 'well at least i made a new fren n i got nth to lose'.hmm yea true.anw he probably chat me up cos he was bored n to see if i will lend him my book haha.

[[ beauty is in the eyes of the beholder__ 3:23 PM

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aargh webcg is driving me up e wall!it's making me go crazy!everytime i need i got it,then sth will happen n i will be stuck.its not like im a freaking expert or anything.i absolutely hate it when i suck at something.damnit bloody piece of assigment...

[[ beauty is in the eyes of the beholder__ 9:39 PM

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yesterday nite b4 i went to sleep,i had a moment of self-reflection.i was in a dilemma n didnt reali noe wad to do.i wanted so much to follow wad e dark side of me is screaming 4 me to do n yet the gd side of me is tryin to reason wif me at e same time.so i asked n prayed from God for a sign n ya,i got it 2day though it didnt exactly come in e way tt i want it to.it's always like this,i keep praying n hoping for signs to show me wad i shd do n they never ever come or materialize in e package i had initially expected them to be.but yea i always get a sign.but this time it onli brings me to ask more questions that have no answers to.it looks like i have missed my opportunity but then again,mayb this is God telling me tt i should not succumb to my evil side haha n learn to let things go.i feel frustrated but i noe there's nth i can do.i cant help feeling so aargh n dissatisfied.juz when i was abt to put my plan into action n was all set to go,this had to happen.wads ironic is tt i tot i had put it behind me n had long forgotten abt it.apparently not if i still feel this consuming desire for payback n now it looks i had missed tt chance.
i had never really see myself as a revenge type of person cos if someone does me wrong in the past,i'd usually juz stop or have as little contact as possible wif tt person n give him/her e cold shoulder n refuse to have anything to do wif him/her.but now i dunno.haiz wadever i gues,i have moved on b4 n let things go once,i sure as hell can do it again now.

[[ beauty is in the eyes of the beholder__ 8:32 PM

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yesterday i felt cranky,irritable,tired, sleepy n zonked out.2day i felt even more cranky,tired,sleepy n zonked out n also yea i almost 4got,a heck care attitude to come along wif all those emotions.e 7hrs expo test juz now was like a total mind drain n i could juz feel my brain matter depleting away slowly but surely.i barely understood e qns n i dun even noe if wad i was writing make any sense.n it wasnt like i could do amy more research cos my lappy cant seem to access internet in skul although everyone else can.i think there was juz sth wrong wif e internet options or connections on my lappy but wad e heck i had done some research e last week so i juz made do wif tt though i dun reali noe wad they were tokin abt half of e time.i juz saved them but didnt reali had time to read thru the notes i found off e net.n halfway thru i almost felt like giving up n i was like,juz fail me oredi haha,i dun even noe wad e bloody hell im writing!haiz wadever la,its over anw.
apart from having to sit thru 7hrs of numbingly(is there such a word?) churning out coherent answers, i was like sooo freaking hungry cos i didnt bring any food to munch on in class.luckily wil n shaun gave me some sweets to eat which though hardly enuf,i made do wif to help curb my hunger.i kept yawning thru e whole test cos duh i was tired.physically i was exhausted,mentally i was drained.juz hope i dun fail miserably in this test though tt is a definite possibility.but i gues at this point in time i juz wanna disillusion myself for a little while haha.
on another note, something interesting happened 2nites ago while i was chattin online.e guy i got to noe last yr n who ended up lyin to me n makin a fool out of me,it concerns him.now whenever i see him ard in skul,i wonder to myself wad did i ever see in e guy?(shakes my head)i dun feel anything 4 him anymore of coz n i dun reali give a damn abt him now.then out of e blue,in e msn convo i had wif him,he suddenly said he like me n wish he can take care of me.tt was like e most hilarious thing ever n i was both amused n like huh.so i ask him ' ah??wad do u mean?'like wad e hell is he tryin to do?lol.gues it didnt reali register in my mind at tt time cos i was distracted watchin tv while on my lappy so i juz said ok.then when he ask if i like him bek,i was like 'yea sure' haha which was so not true cos i juz think he's a pathetic loser not tt im ever goin to say tt to him of coz hahaha.aniwaez,all thru e convo he was bek to me calling me 'dear' n other terms of endearment n said i can call him sayang if i wanna.i was so tickled by all these,seriously it was funny to e point of being ridiculous.n gues wad other things he said?he was like i can feel tt lightning's gonna strike soon.at 1st i was like huh?r u tokin abt e weather or ure tokin abt sth in e metaphoric sense?lol,then he said he meant it figuratively.so i said u mean sparks gonna fly?he said yea so i played dumb n ask between who exactly?haha n he said wif me.hahahaha honestly if he said all tt to me in person, i would have been rolling on e floor in laughter in front of him.gosh n wad made it worse was tt i think he reali expected me to believe his crap e 2nd time around.n also e fact tt i was also having another msn convo wif my close fren,kin,who also noes him n i found out from her tt he is an irritating pervert who,while supposedly confessing his love 4 me,was at e same time tryin to ask personally intruding qns to her.i was like WTF?!at this point in time i reali wanted to teach him a lesson tts y i led him on in e convo,stringin him along.n at e end,i yold him straight,'4 all i noe,u can be lyin to me'.mayb tt was a mistake on my part,cos if i didnt let him noe tt i suspect him,mayb i can further string along n later drop him off like a piece of trash.but hey,wads done is done.in e past,i would have wanted revenge.n suddenly this golden opportunity came droppin in my lap.e desire 2 get bek at him has been ignited now haha.we'll see.oh ya n i forgot another thing tt he told me,he was apologizing to me for hurting me in e past but i was juz like yea but i got over it,which is true anw.n he even said he wanted to change,hahaha.i juz rolled my eyes skyward like yeaaa riiittee.haiz these kind of ppl deserve to be taught a lesson so they dun fool ard wif other ppl's emotions n treat ppl as pawns in a game.

[[ beauty is in the eyes of the beholder__ 8:40 PM

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AAAARGH!!!!Somebody save me pleeeeazeee!!im sooo screwed n im soo dead.so many stuff to do n so lil time.damn damn damn.ok breathe gerl,dun panic.u noe wads weird,i moan n bitch abt all these n yet i think i still look calm.n still have time to blog someore when i got a marketing quiz tmr which i studied juz like tt cos i was so sleepy juz now.yea skipped marketing lect 2day to go home study marketing.hah,hw ironic is tt?n i went home n did some research 4 expo test on sat n later went 2 sleep haha.gosh was so darn tired.woke up n studied e notes 4 tmr's quiz.i dun think im gonna get as gd a results as my previous quiz but oh well,i hope i can still pass.thank god its mcq.the one im dreading like hell is e test on sat.gawd 6freakin hrs sitting in 1 room glued to one chair n poring over all ur notes n hoping beyond hope u can manage to churn out some reasonably gd answers to bloody complicated essay qns.
im rambling like crazy now.gosh gotta get a grip on myself.usually i will feel like cryin but i gues haiz,have no energy left la...

[[ beauty is in the eyes of the beholder__ 10:47 PM

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this week got plenty of my tests n assignments bek.grammar test marks was ok,61.5/100...marketing quiz 95% which was even better hehe.supposed to get my assessed tutorial marks 4 socpsy yest but grade was withheld cos one of my grp members didnt hand in e peer evaluation form.oh well i think my grp passed tt one since suzanne chan didnt call us up or anything like tt.yea n supposed 2 receive my radio assignment too yest but anita kuan took so long to mark our papers.4 of us:me,sam,skye n trina.went 2 check 2x but still couldnt find her.bah,ah wadevr la.hope i passed tt thing too.ah n today got my webgraph assA bek which sux.juz passed tt thing.oh well im soo nt an expert on photoshop n comp shit.dunno nuts my way ard comps.i think they r onli useful for entertainment purposes haha aka chatting n surfing.dun ask me to create programs n wadever crap cos i will onli be cursin at e bloody thing.dunno how e hell im gonna do my web assB which is due like on wk 12,2 more wks from now.im so screwed cos i have tt expo test comin up too.mayb tts y im procrastinating cos i dun wanna deal haha.its like there's so many things to do n im like at a loss.duno where to start.haiz

[[ beauty is in the eyes of the beholder__ 5:49 PM

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hmm got bek my grammar test today.thank god i passed.i mean i was so scared i was gonna fail but ya,tts one worry aside alreadi.but there's like a gazillion more juz ready to take tt place.i keep thinkin im so screwed cos i have barely started any of my assignments like I-Search & webgraph & now i find out tt e exposition test gonna be on nx sat.which is like so crap cos honestly i noe nx to nth abt all e philosophers,writers n wadever old long dead geezers tt kon ask us to read abt.but i have done some research on them,onli thing is i havent even read thru my notes thoroughly yet.reali gotta start to focus n setting my priorities straightened out or im gonna be in some deep shit later.methaphorically speakin of coz.
ya n as usual writcomm tutorial today was mind-blowing n i was like tryin to absorb all e info in.i had to reali concentrate on wad he was sayin cos his thoughts catapulted from one seemingly unrelated topic to another.he was jumping from mark cripin miller one min to feminism to ageism to god knows wad next.though i gotta say it made me think abt all these things tt i dun even pay any attention to in e past.kon has this unique way of scrambling ur brains out n makin u think whether u have lived ur life wrongly all this time haha.oh well at least all e discussions expand my horizons n open up my mind.

[[ beauty is in the eyes of the beholder__ 6:59 PM

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aaaargh someone threw or deleted e imesh from my computer.damn all e songs i downloaded all gone down e drain.all my fave songs.aaaaaahhh!!muz have been my dad.when he heard me playin songs on e comp,he said how come still download songs?nt afraid to get caught issit?n im like ah,who cares?so many ppl do it anyway.damn muz have been him,who else could it have been?shit ah.all my fave songs somore.i dun care abt piracy la n wadever crap.dunno if i shd download again.like wads e point?if it will be deleted later on AGAIN.luckily i still have it on my lappy.in case u guys didnt noe,imesh is kinda like kazaa.dammit.oh hell there's nth i can do now except sulk.bleurk.

[[ beauty is in the eyes of the beholder__ 6:03 PM

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remember e guy i said i added to my msn list?well im glad i decided not to have stupid infatuations anymore cos i found out he is e most IRRITATING person i have ever come across in my entire life.n e weird thing is i dun even noe if tts a gd or bad thing.logically it shd be bad cos he is so freakin annoyin n wad frustrates me even more is tt im sure he finds immense pleasure in irritatin e hell outta me.but then again i think this is good.how e hell can i have a crush on some1 who bloody irritate me so much?haha,see e whole irony.but its good la in a way cos i can call him names like idiot n stupid ass lol.n he is such a smart aleck.in response to me callin him those names,he make fun of me even more by sayin thank you.THANK U?!!see how irritatin he can be.n wad irks me even more is tt he seems to be able to read my mind.like he somehow knows wad im doin or thinkin abt which make me feel even more aargh.he seems to have a way of gettin under my skin like no one else have n i dunno if im supposed to be freaked out or not haha.oh well the perk is tt i can call him names muahaha.since he finds so much pleasure in making fun of me,i will give it to him 10 fold.cos i wont give him e satisfaction of having all e fun lol.

[[ beauty is in the eyes of the beholder__ 2:07 PM

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LoveCynic
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