i feel sick.not physically,juz emotionally.but when i feel sick emotionally or mentally,i tend to feel sick physically sooner or later.btw im not goin mad or anything when i say i feel sick mentally haha.dun get the wrong idea.
anw tmr im goin out wif my ex skul mates from bpghs for hari raya gathering.to tell the truth,i feel kinda half-hearted now cos i dun feel too good.mayb if my mood worsens,i will probably go home halfway.anw my main motivation to go tmr is the $$$.haha i noe i noe. is tt all i ever think abt?but i think mayb tmr with frens i'll feel a wee bit better hopefully.
had a chat wif some of my frens.turn out tt quite a few also 4 some reason not in the mood.haha oh well.im not the only one then.

[[ beauty is in the eyes of the beholder__ 11:15 PM

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u noe all this raya business has been great this yr,for the most part.i mean the money of coz is good,any amt of $$ is excellent 4 me haha.the visiting is fun especially seeing how many cute lil cousins n not to mention some cute cousins ur age haha.but the part i absolutely dislike is the part when ppl come to my hse n i got to serve them.i mean dun get me wrong,im not like against ppl comin to visit us or anything.it's juz tt 4 some reason,i got to go serve the guests.like as if being the female,it's our duty to serve guests while my bros can juz relax one corner.wad crap!who tot up of the stupid rule tt ladies have to do the serving??i mean if ure like a waiter or waitress,of coz it's ur job la but seriously,i cant stand it tt i have to be the one serving all the time.my dad will be like y dun u go help ur mom serve the guestsn im like they all got hands n feet wad.all the cups n drinks r there,all they have to do is take n pour themselves,self-service.i noe i sound like some lazy bitch but hey,this is my blog,i can gripe abt anything i like muahaha.but the main reason i hate all this is cos i feel bloody awkward when serving ppl,especially ppl i dunno sometimes,frens or relatives tt ive nvr heard of from god-knows which side of the family.
haha enough griping.anw gonna go out n do some more visiting again tmr so gonna get more money,always a good thing hehe.

[[ beauty is in the eyes of the beholder__ 11:48 PM

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i noe i keep sayin in the wks b4 tt i wasnt in the mood 4 raya n all,sayin tt it's juz a hassle but u noe wads ironic,now i cant wait 4 the nx raya to come haha.especially to see again all my small cute lil cousins who r so montel n tembam whose cheeks i keep wantin to pinch hehe.(4 those who dun understand,montel n tembam means chubby)i have a soft spot 4 cute lil kids wif cheeks so round i juz wanna squeeze them everytime haha.
in the past,of coz i know of the existence of my cute lil cousins la but i didnt reali care much cos cute as they r,i dun reali find them interesting,sometimes they can be terribly annoyin haha.but somehow this yr,when i look at them,i juz find their antics amusing in a gd-natured kind of way.
i was thinkin at the beginning,i had low expectations 4 hari raya n didnt expect to enjoy myself.haha to my pleasant surprise,things turned out better than i expected.n im not even thinkin much abt the money lol;)

[[ beauty is in the eyes of the beholder__ 12:24 PM

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2day's hari raya.like i said i didnt reali look 4ward to it but in the end,it has been quite an ok day,i mean it's not as bad as i had expected la.didnt reali have to converse wif too many relatives which was a gd thing haha so i gues tts y im pretty happy today.the amt of $$ i get today is alrite la,i mean im thankful for all the money i can get lol.
but im sure tmr & the followin days to come i can get more since my dad's side has a lot of relatives n ive yet to meet them today so tt mean ive yet to receive my $$ from them.haha,tts the only thing i can think abt.n the visitin today was quite cool cos i gues it is kinda nice visitin ppl who u dun normally see on a day to day basis.
lol,i noe wad i said earlier abt hw i cant give a heck abt my relatives but i gues blood is thicker den water.

[[ beauty is in the eyes of the beholder__ 11:33 PM

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Spring cleaned the hse juz now cos hari raya comin n all,gotta make it spick n span.but wad i dun get is wads the point reali of turning the hse upside down and cleaning everything?it's not like the guests who r comin are gonna be like inspectors n make sure the hse is all free of dust or sth.speakin of dust,gosh the amt of dust tts like hidden in nooks n crannies n tt have settled in different parts of the hse.it was disgusting.no wonder these few days ive been sneezing non-stop.my dad said sth tt strike me as funny.he said tt since we cleaned the hse 2day,all the dust is freed from their so-called resting places so they r everywhere now haha.so it would have been better if we had juz leave them alone so tt means we wont complain of the dust tt irritated our noses.his logic is kinda twisted but i wonder it mayb there's some truth to it?lol
anw juz now ate a lot when breakin fast till i burped non-stop during terawih prayers haha.no wonder my stomach was feelin queasy juz now after eating.ate too much lol.hungry wad rite?munched on cookies we bought for the so-called guests to eat when they visit my hse but we(meanin my family)intend to finish off the ones tt we like 1st haha n giving the rest to the visitors.
anw we noticed tt when ppl come to visit,they dun reali eat the cookies much so y waste rite?might as well we eat 1st haha.

[[ beauty is in the eyes of the beholder__ 9:48 PM

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went to bt batok 2day.havent been there in ages.i lived there once b4 movin to bt panjang.which is abt 6yrs ago.anw felt so weird goin bek to a place where i once lived.i mean things look the same yet so different at the same time.many shops i used 2 go to have gone n those tt still remain r pretty much the same la.yea 4got to tell y i even go there in the 1st place.my mom want to give zakat to my fren who lives there n also,do some last min shoppin cos the shops in bb sell things cheap lol.
anw had a sense of deja vu while at my old block.cos i notice 1 thing,most of my dreams usually occur in bt batok while now im living in bp.it's weird cos i havent been there in like 4 yrs but my dreams seem to always occur there.mayb these dreams r tellin me sth;like i dun want to let my past go?haha dunno la,im not an expert on dream interpretations.
yea anw hari raya like ard the corner literally like nx 2days.not tt im counting the days or anything cos like i said,im not reali lookin 4ward to it.all tt so called socializing crap not my cup of tea haha.i mean i will talk la to my relatives but i say one word,they say one word.tt's as much communication as it gonna get lol.i noe tt these times we shd be like tightening our bonds or wadever but honestly i cant wait till im old enuf not to follow my parents visit my relatives n all tt.i socialize better wif my frens la so all these ppl not my age grp so hard to tok to them.
and right now timecheck is 202 am n im still wide awake blogging lol.tts cos i slept like from 830-1030pm juz now.had a headache so sleep.so now i cant sleep haha.
oritey la.till nx update,adioz.

[[ beauty is in the eyes of the beholder__ 2:03 AM

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haha i got this from a fren.tnx taufiq,:).most of it quite true actuali lol.altho the 1st part abt being tall is ehem haha i wish la.


CAPRICORN WOMAN

A tall slim, cool and quiet woman. Once she is mad she can be very fierce.(ooh definitely true haha). She can work better than some men and she is very high confident woman.(to some extent hehe although i do have my inferior moments but who doesnt rite?) In her opinion, a woman is not just a flower or decoration at home or at an office and certainly not a weak sex who needs protection.(yea gerl power!)

She likes to control and hide her weak emotions. She will never try to change anyone, but she will learn to accept them as they are. If she does not like someone, she will not comment or criticize but she will completely ignore that person.(hmm if i reali dun like tt person,i will surely ignore him or her but it's in my nature to comment abt ppl so...this part half true la lol)

She hate plastic and artificial flowers because they make her feel that you are not being sincere.(yea true,i would prefer if guys give me chocolates haha,at least can eat n fill ur stomach rite?flowers 4 wad?).loves real flowers and it's scent. She loves a guy who wear after shave cologne. If you are a type of a guy who wear your jeans one month before washing, or wear an old sneaker, then you can forget about her.

She loves music and nature even there is a rare case
otherwise. She loves to go picnic in nature, so if you don't have so much time for her, you can take her fishing too.(actuali i think fishing is boring haha)

She is not as jealous as Aquarius or Leo woman, but do not cross the line O.K. Better not to see she gets mad, especially in front of public when she feels like losing face. She loves to make up and dress perfectly and very
neat, so never rush her for this matter.(who dun want 2 look nice rite?but actuali i dun reali take a lot of time to make myself presentable,max 30mins lol)

She has her own goal in life and does not care if you have a doctorate degree or not, if she thinks you are not bright then she will not care about you at all. She likes smart people by character not by certificate shown. If you can not show her this quality, go and take a bus and go to the next stop.(this one i think partly true cos naturally ppl want to hold conversations rite n u cant have one wif some1 who's stupid?oh no,did tt sound mean?sorry but true rite?haha)

She does not like a dreamer who talk about his dream but never put his hands in action to make it happens. Don't bother to tell her "everyone is doing it, you should do it too", or "I think you should do it, it's good for you", because she will do what she wants to do only.(haha a stubborn character trait of mine)

She is a neat and tidy person, so if your apartment is a pigsty , do not take her there. If you go out on a date with her , try to be presentable such as nice and clean dress, clean nails or else it will be your last date.(yes,muz be clean n neat)

She is a cool type and will not nag, so easy on your ears. She is a slow but sure type. She will always respect and honor you and will never try to make you lose face. If she loves you, she will help you in anything you do.

She likes to help people and expect nothing in return. If she asks you for a favor and does not get one, she will feel very disappointed. She has a high hope and a high faith and beliefs in her own confidence than believing in "Luck".(yes this one definitely true cos if u juz depend on luck alone,u'll nvr get anywhere.to me,it's juz like an easy way out la if u leave everything up to fate & not work hard 4 wadever it is u want)

If she is your wife, you will have a nice and clean home and a gourmet cooking. If your parents visit your house, they will be pleased. She is a 3 in 1 means , a perfect mother, a perfect housewife, a perfect wife or you could say "happily ever after".

[[ beauty is in the eyes of the beholder__ 12:28 AM

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these few days did quite a bit of apologizing,haha hari raya comin n all so seek 4giveness from ppl la lol.anw was suddenly in the mood 2 ask 4 forgiveness so might as well take advantage of it b4 it goes away rite n i dun feel like sayin sorry 2 ppl anymore haha.some ppl taken aback when i suddenly apologise sayin tt hari raya still a long way off n i tot they'll be glad tt ppl r seekin 4giveness from them lol.oh well.yest made peace wif someone who i had quite a bit of conflict wif n i admit i felt a lot lighter,like a weight has been lifted off me when i apologised 2 the person. i gues it's true wad they say,tt it's not good 2 hold grudges n the person who makes e 1st move n apologise is the bigger person n all.not tt im sayin im the bigger person,it's juz i definitely feel better now tt everything's finally resolved n he apologised too so all's gd hehe.now,i wont feel awkward if i were 2 see him ard in skul or anything.
haha it's weird,im usually not one 2 forgive ppl easily.in fact,i can hold a grudge pretty long which i noe is not exactly a gd thing but somehow,i find tt this time,it's not so hard 4 me.hmm let's hope this forgiveness business is not temporary lol.

[[ beauty is in the eyes of the beholder__ 11:01 AM

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onli like 8 more days to hari raya but truthfully,im not reali lookin 4ward 2 it.4 some reason,this yr like my frens n i not reali in the mood 2 celebrate.the onli thing im lookin 4ward 2 is the money collection of coz haha,typical but hey,money talks rite?haiz,where has the meaning of hari raya gone to?i kinda dread hari raya mainly cos ive to meet relatives n cuzins who im not even remotely close to.i mean sure they're supposed 2b family but i onli see them like once a yr so there's no emotional bond or wadever.im not anti-social or anything but problem is, i have nothing in common wif them.most of my cousins r like babies or sth n i dun mean tt they r childish or anything.but it's true,many of them r barely 5 yrs old.im like so much older than most of them so wad would i have in common wif lil kids?i mean yea they r cute n adorable 2 look at n i love to see babies but come on,u cant hold a convo wif them.n my uncles n aunts,i mean im polite n all but seriously,i cant make small talk,it's very awkward 4 me cos frankly,im not interested in their lives n i cant be all smiley n fakin it.it's juz not my style so every hari raya,me n my siblings who all pretty much feel the same way,will juz sit in a corner n let the parents tok.we'll all be lookin at e watch n prayin tt we get out soon haha.
cos of this,a few yrs bek,an uncle of mine,who till now i dislike,asked us y we r so proud n dun want 2 mix wif the rest.n im like i dun have anything in common wif these ppl so honestly,i reali cant be bothered 2 make fake small talk.i noe some of u who r close 2 ur relatives n cuzins will not noe how i feel n will probably be thinkin tt im an anti-social bitch lol.hey i dun have a prob wif tt,i'd rather be a bitch than be a hypocrite haha.
but okla, i mean even though i dun reali tok wif them,im not like rude or anything.if they tok to me,i'd politely answer their questions n all.juz treat me nicely n i'd give be the same 2u,hehe.

[[ beauty is in the eyes of the beholder__ 1:08 PM

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since im super bored,decided 2 do an enneagram test,sort of like another personality test.im a sceptic.haha big surprise.NOT

The Questioner (the Six)
Questioners are responsible, trustworthy, and value loyalty to family, friends, groups, and causes. Their personalities range broadly from reserved and timid to outspoken and confrontative.

How to Get Along with Me

Be direct and clear.
Listen to me carefully.
Don't judge me for my anxiety.
Work things through with me.
Reassure me that everything is OK between us.
Laugh and make jokes with me.
Gently push me toward new experiences.
Try not to overreact to my overreacting.
What I Like About Being a Six

being committed and faithful to family and friends
being responsible and hardworking
being compassionate toward others
having intellect and wit
being a nonconformist
confronting danger bravely
being direct and assertive
What's Hard About Being a Six

the constant push and pull involved in trying to make up my mind
procrastinating because of fear of failure; having little confidence in myself
fearing being abandoned or taken advantage of
exhausting myself by worrying and scanning for danger
wishing I had a rule book at work so I could do everything right
being too critical of myself when I haven't lived up to my expectations

[[ beauty is in the eyes of the beholder__ 11:33 PM

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haha did a personality test n im an ISTJ.below is a description of how im like.see if it matches my personality lol.

ISTJs are often called inspectors. They have a keen sense of right and wrong, especially in their area of interest and/or responsibility. They are noted for devotion to duty. Punctuality is a watchword of the ISTJ. The secretary, clerk, or business(wo)man by whom others set their clocks is likely to be an ISTJ.
As do other Introverted Thinkers, ISTJs often give the initial impression of being aloof and perhaps somewhat cold. Effusive expression of emotional warmth is not something that ISTJs do without considerable energy loss.
ISTJs are most at home with "just the facts, Ma'am." They seem to perform at highest efficiency when employing a step-by-step approach. Once a new procedure has proven itself (i.e., has been shown "to work,") the ISTJ can be depended upon to carry it through, even at the expense of their own health.
ISTJs are easily frustrated by the inconsistencies of others, especially when the second parties don't keep their commitments. But they usually keep their feelings to themselves unless they are asked. And when asked, they don't mince words. Truth wins out over tact. The grim determination of the ISTJ vindicates itself in officiation of sports events, judiciary functions, or an other situation which requires making tough calls and sticking to them.

[[ beauty is in the eyes of the beholder__ 11:20 PM

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aargh,how come suddenly i got a headache??not in the mood 2 stay long online like i always do.chattin n surfing aimlessly.then somore no one 2 reali tok to online or no one i particularly feel like tokin to anw.i noe im rambling but who cares?n im lookin out the window now n i can see the moon,it's so low in the sky n it's so yellow.looks kinda of weird,haha n im weird 4 noticin these things.my life is so freakin borin rite now.day in day out,do nothing but listen to radio, watch tv or sleep to pass the time away.man,im like a housewife only thing is i dun do housework lol.shd start clearin up my room a lil but i did a bit of tt a few days ago so i will wait till it's like a wk b4 hari raya b4 i clear my stuff up again.dun want to waste energy haha.oh gawd,listen to me.im juz crappin...dun feel like workin now at Toys r us or anywhere else 4 tt matter.anw abt 2 more wks till hari raya so if i work,gonna be a bit of a hassle if i wanna go out.

[[ beauty is in the eyes of the beholder__ 11:28 PM

***



juz got bek from kin's hse.actuali syaz ajak buka luar n i havent asked my mom yet till the last min.in the end,she allow so i go out la.itupun lepas da makan kat rumah sikit.my dad beli mee goreng mamak yg sedap tu,my fave hehe.anw later went to meet syaz n kin at skul 1st b4 goin Al-Ameen.cos they went to skul 4 tt lsct post exam bash.all of us ate wanton mee n as usual,joked n laughed ard.kin asked us to follow her home cos she scared her mom bising so as gd frens,of coz we did lol.then kat sane,tok n crap ard again.haha if any of us r together,predictably there'll be much laughter cos kin is always spoutin her nonsense haha,which is a gd thing but sometimes we juz ask her to shut up,hehe.sori kin.
oritey till nx update.which can be a few days later cos nth interesting happens in my lfie nowadays lol

[[ beauty is in the eyes of the beholder__ 11:16 PM

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ok quite a few days didnt update my blog.so boring,wad to write abt.anw 2day went 2 toys r us wif kin to apply 4 the job.haha we felt so awkward there,wif me n kin nudging each other to ask one of them where we can get the forms.finally filled ou the forms but all the while we were jokin ard n sayin do we reali want to work in this selenge place?4 those of u who dun understand,selenge means lame sth like tt la haha,i dun reali noe how 2 explain la.kin asked one of the ppl there how much the pay is n he was like it's confidential.we were like wad crap?,if ppl wanna work,surely muz noe the pay rite?kin was sayin tt has got 2b the lamest ans any1 has ever given.i agree.
anw later we went to cktangs to look 4 a job cos we saw an ad in the paper tt time,onli thing is we dunno exactly where it is in cktangs haha so we ended up juz goin thru the place n not achieving anything basically lol.
then kin decided to buy newspaper so we can look thru classified ads 4 more jobs since we werent too keen on the toys r us one.crap sia,out of all the ads we call onli one answered.then wad 4 put the nos there if no one bothers 2 pick up the stupid fone?
yea so after tt we gave up la haha.we ended up tokin crap n laughin all the way home.shikin was criticizng everything under the sun n i was laughin like crazy haha.it was fun.juz read her blog juz now n i dissolved into fits of laughter again lol.

[[ beauty is in the eyes of the beholder__ 9:43 PM

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ok i take bek wad i said earlier abt not working.since im so bored at home,i'd rather do sth productive n earn money n gain experience at the same time.n if i get the job(which i havent applied 4 btw haha),kin will also be goin 4 the same job so at least have a fren wif me.there r a lot of pros if i work.haha of coz there's a but coming.but if i do get the job,i will be seeing the face of the person who i dun want to see.n the ironic part is tt this person is the one who suggest tt i work at the place he's working.any person wif the right mind will immediately spare herself the discomfort of workin alongside the person who had wronged her but no,not me.but yea other den tt,both me n kin have a high chance of gettin the job,but i dunno,tts wad he said n i dunno whether 2 believe the guy.haha mayb some of u may not understand wad im tokin abt but its ok,as long as i understand myself lol.
anw my frens r tellin me 2 go 4 it(the job i mean) n juz ignore him or dun tok to him n of coz tts wad i intend 2 do.but im kinda apprehensive cos ive nvr worked a day in my life b4 n to suddenly start haha.hope i dun make a fool of myself n learn to get the hang of it.im sure i will.i muz start somewhere rite?lol

[[ beauty is in the eyes of the beholder__ 10:50 AM

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went out wif kin n syaz 2day.1st went 2 national library,the one at stamford rd.borrowed some bks to fill up my time,thank gdness now sth to do while sittin at home or i will be bored stiff haha.anw had a pretty good time hanging wif the gerls,were sittin on the bus chattin n laughin our heads off all the way lol.gues the other passengers muz have been relieved when we finally alighted hehe.then they went 2 my house awhile cos they all reluctant 2 go home since it was still kinda early.now im thinkin mayb i do want to get a job after all since im so bored at home but see 1st la.mayb not hehe.

[[ beauty is in the eyes of the beholder__ 11:05 PM

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im a straight-forward,frank person.usually when i dun like sth,i will say or u can tell from my facial expression.tts y if i dun like some1,i cant fake being nice to him or her cos i cant do it.so tts y i'd rather not talk or do anything wif tt person cos it will only be strained 4 me.also,i have a tendency to speak b4 i think so sometimes wad comes out of my mouth can sound rude n offensive.the weird thing is altho its kinda bad,i like doin it cos i love 2 see the reactions i get from ppl.mayb tts y bek in sec skul,i always tok bek to teachers,especially VLee(those same skul from me will know him as the most hated Amaths teacher in BP),
particularly those i hate,cos for one thing,i juz cant stand them n also cos usually,no one else dares to do it.but tt rebel side of me has yet 2b shown in poly haha.but hey u nvr noe,if some1 pisses me off real bad,tt side of me will surface muahaha.

[[ beauty is in the eyes of the beholder__ 10:49 AM

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not much 2 blog nowadays.life pretty damn boring.have 2 get out of the house.spend my time,or more accurately wasting time away doin practically nothin.hate feelin so unproductive.gues when bz ppl suddenly given free time,they dunno wad 2 do wif it haha.
anw mayb goin to library tmr lol,i noe boring rite but hey at least can borrow some bks to while away the time instead of juz sitting at home rottin away haha.

[[ beauty is in the eyes of the beholder__ 5:58 PM

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it has been 2days since exam ended 4 me n im like so freakin bored.dunno how im gonna survive 2whole mths of it.of coz im gonna go out n enjoy.if not,i'll go crazzzy at home haha.made a list of things i wanna do.hope will at least get 2 do some of them although i noe my money is seriously gonna get run out.nvm later hari raya can get it all bek,hopefully hehe.cos im sooo not gonna work during hols lol.

[[ beauty is in the eyes of the beholder__ 8:43 PM

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e following r juz some poems of mine tt ive wrote some time ago tt i think r the better ones hehe.anw 4 those who havent read them yet cos i didnt show it 2u b4 haha,feel free 2 post ur comments on the tagboard.u can praise or criticise,but hopefully constructive criticism la lol.


Perfect imperfection

All of us yearn to be perfect

But we know that’s merely a dream

That’s the reason the saying ‘Nobody’s perfect’ is coined

Despite this knowledge

Most of us still persist

In ensuring that all we do or touch is

Flawless and faultless

There’s no harm in trying

To continually improve or upgrade ourselves

But if we let go of the need to be perfect

We free ourselves from a great deal of

Stress and dissatisfaction

And realize that most of the time

Things are just perfect the way they are

We’d have experienced

Perfect imperfection



Happiness

Happiness

An endless pursuit

A seemingly never-ending search

Something so elusive & intangible

At times you think you may be able to grab it

Yet it appears so far out of reach

But now I’ve learnt that

It isn’t a quest

It isn’t something you go looking around for

You only have to make a conscious decision

That no matter what the outer circumstances are

Happiness is a choice

And it is up to you

Whether to be happy or not


Self-pity

Self-pity is

Pathetic

Ridiculous

Time-consuming

Yet most of us do it everyday

Why?

The question still remains

But no more wallowing in misery

Whining

Complaining

Moping

Feeling like a victim

Time to step up and gear into action

Time to rid of

Self-pity

[[ beauty is in the eyes of the beholder__ 11:30 AM

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LoveCynic
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